nostalgic.

no. i'm not homesick. but right now, i long for those days when i hummed to myself on the swing, sun softly shining down. i want my childhood back. i want to see my grandpa. i want to share a room with my sister and play with our barbies and 3D puzzles. i want to poke at my baby brother, nguyen (who is 5 years younger than me) in the crib. i want to take my bike and ride through dirt mounds in the new development section in the neighborhood pretending i was an extreme mountain biker. i want to eat cheerios in the cry room of our old church.

take me back... before college wore me down, before high school stripped me of my shy veneer, before the awkwardness of middle school, before the days of gossip, girl drama, and every boy that broke my heart.

take me back...

before the divorce. before the backstabbing. before deciding between who gets what, what child gets to see which parent and when. before the lies, cold stares, and built up anger.

my favorite memory is the sweetest memory of my childhood. i'll hold it close to my heart. back when my parents didn't fight. my sister and i loved each other. the sun shone ever so softly...

it was a sunday. i don't remember nguyen being there, so i had to be 5 or younger. my sister, anh, only 2 years older, shared a bedroom with me. we laid down for a nap. i remember peacefully waking up to the sun shining on my face. the curtains waving in the summer breeze. i sat up and saw that my sister was waking up as well. we walked out to the kitchen. it was the cleanest i can remember it ever being. but one thing was left out. two big lollipops sticking out of a vase on the counter next to the fridge. we ran to the counter, grabbed the lollipops and went in search of a parent. and there was my mom, ironing clothes next to the basement door. the sun was all around her and filled the basement. it was beautiful. she just smiled and said, "did you find the candy? those are for you!" anh and i sat on the couch in the basement, ate our candy, and watched willy wonka.

i don't remember my house being so full of sunlight. i don't have another memory with such a feeling of pure innocence.

that's me on the left. i was cute back then. my sister, anh, is so loving. she's on the right.

don't worry, the nostalgia won't last long. i just needed to get it out there. i miss the earliest days of my life.